Character counts… Unless your gay

Unless of course that character is a gay character, in which case you don’t count much at all. Thank you Boy Scouts of America.

However the people whose character truly does support the ideals of strong values and strong leadership can be found through this wildly heartbreaking tumblr, which makes me proud.  EAGLEBADGES

Also the boy scouts totally kicked me out when I was about 12 along with my jewish friend as we did not ‘fit in’ with the rest of the christian members and the scout leader though it was hard for us to understand the principles of the group given that we were not of the correct faith. so yeah. fuck em.

Unless the outside you’re talking about is the outside of a closet, in which case get back inside.

Anyway all of this rage at them has been building up for me the last few days as I drive past this GIANT character counts billboard on my way to work. It’s not this billboard mind you, but each time I try to take a photo of it, whilst driving late to work I nearly careen off the road as I’m not that good at multi-tasking whilst driving, (plus i spend a lot of time working on my karaoke voice these days, singing along to Cher and that takes up a good 96 percent of my available brain capacity anyway.) so must of the photos of it are actually like yellow blurs with giant semi-trucks awkwardly close in the foreground. So yeah, this other Detroit billboard will just have to serve as  filler for the object of my rage.

Whatever, these gay lions are fierce.

gay lions

Simba’s full of pride.

Manatee’s and BELUGA whales for the win

So lets all agree, the american men’s olympic swimming teams god some ripped HOTTIES on it.

Helloooooo Ryan Lochte

I’d lick that.

And I’m not even that into ripped dude. I mean my favorite men are those sort of skinny jean wearing poetry writing vegans, but I will totally APPRECIATE the fact that his stomach looks like tanned and toned Tetris blocks.

Oh Hey… yeah, sorry… that pool, it’s filled with my drool.

Also some times he wears super cute speedoes: (i used to wear speedoes, I NEVER looked like that) (also last time I wore one I was 14)

but these ribbed and handosme (nipple self tweaking men) are not my favorite things of the sea.

 

Let me introduce to you:

so cute

http://calmingmanatee.com/ Awesome

But my favorite things of the sea are most definitely this Beluga Whale dancing to a mariachi band. (granted it shits like half way though this, but thats because it’s like so excited. sometimes I  almost poo myself with excitement so I totally understand why this Beluga Whale did.

 

I’ll do you like a truck. Wait. What?

I’m gona be honest with you, there are many things I wish I fucked like but a truck is not one of them. (we will get there in a moment but first I want to take a diversion). (Like I wish I fucked with the speed of the cheetah but the long distance endurance of an in shape human. Yeah thats right a Human.

Topical Olympic commentary. not sure about his ‘endurance’ But man is he beautiful to watch run.

Humans have the best long distance endurance of any animal on the planet as we can reach fast speeds with a relatively minimal amount of energy expenditure. Additionally we can expel excess heat through sweating and breathing whilst in motion where as many other animals are forced to pant (like a dog) to get rid of the excess heat, which is toats hard to do whilst moving at high speeds,

Think of it this way, an Arabian horse can run at like 35 mph for like four hours (granted your basically riding the horse to death.) where as human’s can run some say between 12-20 (though that seems REALLY fast to me) for up to 16 hours or even more. ABSURD. Thats like from my family home to NYC and back in a day. You know read this awesome science daily ARTICLE, it explores this humans as supper runner much more adroitly then I can. Apparently our thumb is not the only reason we are great)

I always assumed like dogs had the best endurance of any animal, but guess I was wrong. Just goes to show you how great googling things past your bedtime is.

Kangaroo’s also have great endurance, this one perhaps not. He looks well stoned.

Anyway. digression over.

So yeah If i had to choose something to fuck like It would be a cheetah human hybrid, or a really good thunderstorm. If I had to choose something inanimate to fuck like, perhaps a skyscrapper. THEY ARE BALLER.

BUT basically what i’m trying to say is i’ve never looked at a man and though ‘DAMN I wanna do him like a truck.’ like what does that mean. ‘come up from behind and tail gate him and then try to get past him when he’s feeling uncomfortable and a bit scared .’ Basically i uncovered this seminal music video “I’ll do you like a truck” by GeoDaSilva. (check out his website there is a link thats asks if you are “Sexy, Fizzy and Glittery.” I think he has people confused with cola drinks at gay pride.) and it’s got me thinking about a lot of things. Mainly, what if inside all of those trucks on the highway were actually soft core porn parties and I never knew it?

CHOCOLATE: not just for post break up woes.

Don’t panic people ate the chocolate.

Growing up on chic flic’s and sex and the city, I still believe that chocolates only purpose is to make you feel better after someone stops wanting to have sex with you. Chocolate and red wine really.

But it turns out chocolate can be used to create enthralling geometric art patterns. HOW did they do this? I have no idea. But I do know that next time I get rejected, instead of slipping into a bubble bath with a goblet of merlot, a sound track by Mariah Carey, and enough chocolate to overdose on, there will be a moment when i think; ‘Woah, i could totally be using this chocolate to make inspiring art.’ But don’t worry, by the time the chorus of Shake it Off comes along, I will have totally forgotten that chocolates anything but your thighs best friend.

 

pre-coffee confusion turns out to be valid confusion.

I almost never read directions to anything. Because really how many ways are there to plug in a toaster and when it comes to IKEA furniture, no matter how closely I follow their esoteric pictograms I always end up with the shelf I assumed I would always have, plus three screws and piece of rather structural looking wood. I think all this stems from a childhood of playing with lego’s and never once actually making the thing on the box as creating hybrid Frankestein cars was WAY to much fun.

But bored to outer limits of my mind whilst waiting for my coffee to percolate (WHAT AN AWESOME WORD) this morning I read the directions that accompanied my boss’s new clock.

our education system has failed.

 

I’m worried that we live in a world where flagging this up is a necessity.