Hairtastrify leads to accidental self abuse

my number one fear is male pattern baldness followed closely by a version of hell where all I have to read for eternity are the works of Paulo Coelho whom I think its safe to say sucks more then a dyson.

his plots are like bullshit factories

 

The last two nights i’ve actually had nightmares of waking up being bald, (as a point i dont mind other people who are bald its just that my head and body hair are my pride and joy, IT’S SAD I KNOW, but each day that I wake up and rub my hairy chest i renew my faith in evolutionary Biology and happily spend a few joyous minutes imagining I’m a monkey or a gorilla or my personal favorite an ORANGOUTANG . To me my body hair is a symbolic link to my swinging ape ancestors.

Like so adorbs and awesome

 

EITHER way. i woke up this morning and perhaps because of all my freaky dreams about my hair, was not surprised to find a single silvery white strand laying across my brow. Now this is my first white hair on my head. Oddly my beard and eyebrows went white in patches ages ago. Whatever, it makes me look distinguished or like i potentially was chewing on a white out pen and it exploded like all over my face.

So like any early morning queen I was all like “I’M A RIP YOU OUT OF MY HEAD.” Which is actually rather hard. Perhaps it was my groggy fingers, or my slow realization that I am not actually one of the tuck everlasting biddies and am slowly going to grow old and then perhaps die. But all I managed to do was grab the hair and then try to yank it off my face in an ill positioned downward pull which succeeded in causing me to punch myself in the face.

The problem is I can’t even be mad at it, because i’m just so thrilled It’s chosen to stick around.

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